Presenting without further ado, stuff that bother me.
#1 Hmmm/Maybe
This is simply the most irritating statement I have ever heard. Here I am, spending all my energy and creativity and deploying sarcasm and wit and all you can contribute is a Hmmm?! At least say, "what can I reply to that?" or "I've lost you there" or just a smiley, you know "Hmmm :-)". Now you've given me this one word and I have no idea whether you're angry-yet-restraining/mad/sad/plain-stupid/awkwardly-typing-something-to-fill-gap-in-conversation. Now while I reason between my choices, you get bored and walk away. Typical.
Or I ask, "What was that?", politely and pretend to be stupid and ask you to explain.
#2 No signal/Transaction failed/All phone lines on this route are busy
Look, life in general is not pretty 24x7. DO NOT take away the tiny things in life that are capable of bringing a smile to my heart or at least have the courtesy to give me a bubble blower. Then, you are forgiven.
#3 I will cut only this much hair
I confess I really like my wild, unmanageably curly and moderate length hair. Yes, I am a feminist who likes pink and curly hair, moving on. And then when you when I ask for a trim, you say you're going to trim and leave me with nearly a military shave(writers take note, exaggeration is known as hyperbole). I mean why do you do this to me? That fallen hair is not going to benefit any of you, I will anyway pay you the preposterous amount of money you asked. It is not directly proportional to the amount you cut. Why. Why. And then you will proceed to lecture me how much easier it will be to maintain. Oh I see, why don't you shave your head :P
P.S. Yes, I know hair isn't important, insert politically correct statement here.
#4 You ought to eat more and put on more weight
Yes thank you for your pearls of wisdom. In general, people who want me to change how I eat/dress/talk, I say thank you, hoping that'll forever stem further pearls from your vast indexed database of unsolicited advice because no matter how I am, you will always have an opinion that we lowly human beings are incapable of following with the ease you practise them .
#5 Why don't you know how to cook?
Oh don't have the need, pay my mess bill myself and have awesome home food.
#6 You are afraid of pain, which is so weird for girls ( while convincing me to try some gruesome wax for example),
I am beautiful the way I am. I will wash my face, comb my hair, apply some makeup because that makes me feel good for myself and I like the way I look in the mirror that way. Imperfection is perfection. I will not stoop so low so as to inflict pain on my body to attain some surreal ideology of beauty that is defined by this complex evolution of society. And, it is independent of any gender.
#7 You should take care of your health more
This statement is the worst thing you can hear when you're sick. You want to get better, not be told off!
#8 I'm really proud of your achievements. Only thing is, it'll be so difficult to find a guy for you who is more qualified than you.
Dear aunty, I am an equality-demanding non-homely non-stereotypical nightmare. Please, my qualification is the least of your groom hunting problems.
These are answers that always pop into my head, but I believe in being polite so most unfortunately I never voice them and smile sheepishly. That way, the irritation only lasts a second. I believe in being optimistic because life is short. Enjoy it, don't waste it on being frustrated. And, hopefully I shouldn't ask such things ;)
#1 Hmmm/Maybe
This is simply the most irritating statement I have ever heard. Here I am, spending all my energy and creativity and deploying sarcasm and wit and all you can contribute is a Hmmm?! At least say, "what can I reply to that?" or "I've lost you there" or just a smiley, you know "Hmmm :-)". Now you've given me this one word and I have no idea whether you're angry-yet-restraining/mad/sad/plain-stupid/awkwardly-typing-something-to-fill-gap-in-conversation. Now while I reason between my choices, you get bored and walk away. Typical.
Or I ask, "What was that?", politely and pretend to be stupid and ask you to explain.
#2 No signal/Transaction failed/All phone lines on this route are busy
Look, life in general is not pretty 24x7. DO NOT take away the tiny things in life that are capable of bringing a smile to my heart or at least have the courtesy to give me a bubble blower. Then, you are forgiven.
#3 I will cut only this much hair
I confess I really like my wild, unmanageably curly and moderate length hair. Yes, I am a feminist who likes pink and curly hair, moving on. And then when you when I ask for a trim, you say you're going to trim and leave me with nearly a military shave(writers take note, exaggeration is known as hyperbole). I mean why do you do this to me? That fallen hair is not going to benefit any of you, I will anyway pay you the preposterous amount of money you asked. It is not directly proportional to the amount you cut. Why. Why. And then you will proceed to lecture me how much easier it will be to maintain. Oh I see, why don't you shave your head :P
P.S. Yes, I know hair isn't important, insert politically correct statement here.
#4 You ought to eat more and put on more weight
Yes thank you for your pearls of wisdom. In general, people who want me to change how I eat/dress/talk, I say thank you, hoping that'll forever stem further pearls from your vast indexed database of unsolicited advice because no matter how I am, you will always have an opinion that we lowly human beings are incapable of following with the ease you practise them .
#5 Why don't you know how to cook?
Oh don't have the need, pay my mess bill myself and have awesome home food.
#6 You are afraid of pain, which is so weird for girls ( while convincing me to try some gruesome wax for example),
I am beautiful the way I am. I will wash my face, comb my hair, apply some makeup because that makes me feel good for myself and I like the way I look in the mirror that way. Imperfection is perfection. I will not stoop so low so as to inflict pain on my body to attain some surreal ideology of beauty that is defined by this complex evolution of society. And, it is independent of any gender.
#7 You should take care of your health more
This statement is the worst thing you can hear when you're sick. You want to get better, not be told off!
#8 I'm really proud of your achievements. Only thing is, it'll be so difficult to find a guy for you who is more qualified than you.
Dear aunty, I am an equality-demanding non-homely non-stereotypical nightmare. Please, my qualification is the least of your groom hunting problems.
These are answers that always pop into my head, but I believe in being polite so most unfortunately I never voice them and smile sheepishly. That way, the irritation only lasts a second. I believe in being optimistic because life is short. Enjoy it, don't waste it on being frustrated. And, hopefully I shouldn't ask such things ;)
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